Growing up, I was constantly on the phone with relatives I didn’t know, pouring over family albums, and hearing about distant memories of a place that I longed for with no real connection to. My parents immigrated to the United States from their small hometown in Brazil, my father in 2000 and my mother shortly after in 2001. As the first generation to be born in America, my relationship to my culture is disjointed. I am a part of two places, but do not feel a strong connection to either; I’m stuck in limbo between the two parts of myself.

Fios Soltos is an attempt to connect with my heritage, the part of myself I feel like I don’t quite know, and Brazil itself. Exploring my parents’ hometown drove me to develop a connection to the town itself and create a space where I belong and exist. I am exploring my identity and place in my culture by putting my body in domestic spaces and the landscapes of Brazil. I am often contorting my body in an attempt to find what feels right– symbolizing my want to integrate. 

As the eldest daughter, I was raised with a very clear idea of who I should be. While I have this desire to find connection and place, there’s another part of me which rejects parts of my culture. Traditional Brazilian social values promote machismo, resulting in my own experiences of objectification and oversexualization shaped by deeply rooted sexism by patriarchal systems upheld through religious rituals. Throughout my work, I am also investigating the complex relationship between desire for cultural connection and resistance to the gendered expectations embedded within my culture. 

 The expectations placed on me to fit into a role drove me further away from my own sense of self, leading me to feel alienated from my own femininity. Reconnecting with the  maternal side of my family became essential. Collaborating with these women allows me to honor them while healing my relationship with my own femininity, creating space to appreciate the lineage I come from and building the person I am becoming.